#5 Write, Listen, Share, Repeat
Writing the most powerful story in your life, the one you tell yourself.
This is part 5 in a 5-part series on rewriting your inner critic. If you’re beaming with confidence and a complete sense of self, jump to the main takeaways.
We focus on step 4 reshaping the voice of your inner critic. Bringing together the findings from points 1-3 and rewriting our self-story.
Take a self-assessment of product manager skills to reduce your ADHD insecurity by objectively identifying your strengths and weaknesses.
Ask others what your strengths are to help you build a self-image that is externally based. Your self-critic can’t argue with someone you admire.
Be matter-of-fact about your disability (or aspects of your role beyond your control if you don’t have a disability).
Create a story from the parts you found in steps 1-3 that best represents you.
Last time on Star Trek the Next Generation…
A quote to summarize the importance of our self-story:
“As we grow up, our beliefs about who we are, how we fit into the world, and what our capabilities are, are really only stories that we tell ourselves — but they are among the most powerful forces in our lives.” - excerpt Adult ADHD
Introduction
The stories that you tell yourself are some of the most important stories in your life. Those stories can tell you where you came from, who you are, how you fit into the world, where you want to go, or where you’re headed. They create our sense of identity and how we perceive the world. For those of us with ADHD, this story can be full of shame, regret, insecurity, unworthiness, and self-doubt. We are often our biggest naysayers because of the anxiety or negative self-thoughts that are common ADHD traits. Luckily, these stories can be created and changed every day. Stories can define us but we have the power to redefine them anytime. I’ve had to practice this lesson over and over the last month as I search for what’s next in my career.
To aid my search, I need to define who I am, what I want and be confident in sharing those stories with others. That’s the main focus of today’s story. Finding the courage to listen to ourselves and sharing it with others through our self-story.
If you are a new reader, please see issue #1 for more context about the following advice.
What’s a self-story?
A self-story is a story of who you are, what you want, and what you have to offer. I use mine as a resume summary and adapt it to the role I’m applying for. It’s also my Linkedin profile summary. Think of it as the elevator pitch you share with others.
Here’s my current self-story.
I am a product manager specializing in growing customer adoption and improving the experience with enterprise or established platforms. I bring a background in neuroscience research, ethnography, and storytelling to understand customer insights and drive adoption. I work best with teams that need to create strong connections with their customers or need to coordinate multiple PMs to ensure high-quality releases. (updated 12/7/2022)
The paragraph follows this template:
My strengths as a PM and the kind of products I want to work on.
The background that makes me unique and how I approach my work.
The ideal work type and environment for me.
Now that we have a template, let’s take a look at how we fill in our content.
The listening part
We’re going to tie everything together we’ve learned about ourselves from steps 1-3 to tell our inner critic to shut up. The previous steps were focused on listening to ourselves and others about who we are and what we do well. If you’ve followed the steps thus far, you should have 3 categories of traits for your self-story.
Product Management traits - What you’re good at or what you want to be doing as a PM. More generally, this can be seen as career-specific needed traits.
Externally observed or validated traits - Things that other people have said that you do well or environments that they think you would do well in.
Disability traits - Traits that you have beyond your control due to your disability (accepted and shame-free). These can be used to identify ideal environments for your needs.
You really only need 3-4 traits or points per category. A trait can be a specific skill such as “Voice of the Customer” or more general phrases such as “I get energy from talking to others (ADHD thing for me)” or “Being intuitive to customers’ needs that they’re not aware of (manager observed trait)”. The best traits are the ones you feel confident in repeating to others. Think of it as material for your stand-up routine. You’ll repeat the words a bunch but, never quite in the same way.
Here’s a list for myself that lead me to my current story.
PM traits: Voice of the customer, customer insight, adoption/growth PM type, best with established platforms, not as strong at building entirely new areas.
Externally observed: Not a shitty PM, good PM (these were what I needed most at the time), asks the right questions, and be proud of my various careers (rather than see them as insecurity).
Disability traits - Need to be engaged with others to be accountable and be excited, helping others succeed or community development is what drives me the most, I care more about the type of work I do than the domain of the product.
Writing is the easy part
Use the fill in the blank template below (your stand-up template). Write 3 drafts. They can be entirely new each time or tweaks of a previous version it doesn’t matter.
Then create your own template that fits your voice better (optional). Write 3 drafts. Let it sit overnight and give yourself 15 minutes of writing or editing in the morning.
I am a PM that loves doing ________. My background in ______, ______, and _____ (the rule of 3) makes me _________ kind of PM. I work best with teams that need _______ ________. (Optional) I desire to work in ___________ space or industry.
Unorthodox ADHD tips for writing the story
Publish it on Linkedin or somewhere then proofread it. Nothing makes me a better proofreader than when I’ve already published. (And yes I do make edits to this blog in the same fashion sometimes.)
If you’re having a hard time writing the drafts, change the template to an absurd career or premise. The ADHD brain craves novelty so lean into it and swap it for a real write-up after.
Sharing is the hardest part
The hardest part of the self-story journey is sharing it with others. It’s the delivery of your stand-up routine. A pre-requisite for sharing however is accepting, believing, and being excited by your story. You’ll tell that story over and over again. Not just to yourself but in applications and interviews. It’s a lot easier to tell a story you believe in over and over rather than one you hope others will like. There is power in authenticity.
Having a strong self-story enables you and the companies you apply for to determine a match. We want to work with people that help us grow and make us happy. There are lots of variables in hiring beyond our control (interviews, questions, fit, etc). What we can fully control, however, is knowing what we bring to the table and what we want. That is the gift that self-story brings to ourselves and others.
If you’re not convinced yet, think of it like this:
It’s easier to get what we want when we know what is and ask for it. Our self-stories are the guide of who we are and the ask of what we need. The rest is learning and experience.
The Takeaways
As ADHD people we often crave to find a sense of belonging and fit. It’s easier to find that fit when we work continuously to define what is fit and share it. The rest is putting in the work to explore.
Writing and taking stock of who you are, enables you to craft a story you can tell yourself and others.
Sharing a story you believe in makes it easier to find the right place for you.
Our story is always evolving and that’s normal. We are not confined to what we used to think we wanted.
Write, Listen, Share, Repeat.
Quote of the week: “Life is a first-person perspective. I can try to understand and listen to you, but I’m never going to know you, as much as you know yourself.” - Some Data Geek