#1 The ADHD Critic vs Me

Addressing your self-doubt through rewriting the story you tell about yourself in 4 steps.

This is part 1 of 5 in a series of how to face and quiet your inner critic. ADHD can’t wait? Jump to the main takeaways.

The Pit of Doom

It f*cking hurts to feel like you’ve failed at something. For me, I climb into my self-doubt pit of doom and sit there at the bottom listening to the overwhelming voice of my inner critic. Here it sings to me classic tunes such as:

“Of course, I was going to fail.”

“Well here’s yet another thing I failed at. Better get ready to switch careers again.”

“Why do I keep failing at life?”

“I did this before, why can’t I do it again?”

“I’m a shitty product manager”

Take all these words, and combine them with rumination (repeating the same thought or experience over and over again) and a self-critic louder than a dragon mom (hi mom) and you’ll have an idea of what my ADHD brain feels like most of the time. Even when I don’t fail, the voice is still there, reminding me I could have done better or the fallout is still to come.

Rumination and self-doubt or self-criticism (which could also be called anxiety) are common traits of ADHD. They are the stereo system that tells me over and over that I suck. It’s playing in the background of my head right now as I write my first newsletter.

I had these hits playing on full blast, in the deepest levels of my self-doubt pit as I went through the process of leaving a company.

Objectively, the role was not a fit for me. The skills I have to offer were not what the role needed. Frustrations I saw as my failures, not a poor fit. I can see that now but, not in the months preceding my decision to leave.

Subjectively, I felt everything in the quotes above plus some crying. It took some self-assessment, advice from friends, therapy, and rewriting my personal story to help me climb out of the pit.

Today, I feel confident that being a PM is the thing I want to be right now. I have a clearer vision of the kind of product manager I am and what roles I want to have. It sucked to get there but I’m happier and more confident as a result of the process. I want to share how and what I did in hopes it might help you.

Photo by Gary Meulemans on Unsplash

Rewriting the story of myself

I want to preface this solution that this was the experience that happened to work out for me. It took me over two months. I hope it takes you less time. Your mileage may vary. Try some stuff out and see if it works. I didn’t set out to come up with a plan to address self-doubt. It happened through my need to tell myself I wasn’t shitty at my job and to increase my probability to find the right job.

Quiet your self-critic by creating a story of yourself that reflects your strengths, unique experience, and desired environment based on factors that are stronger than your critic.

Here are some examples to check out. I’ll go more in-depth in the next issues on how to fill them out in greater detail.

Example 1 - my Linkedin summary as of 11/3/2022

I am a product manager specializing in growing customer adoption and improving the experience with enterprise or established platforms. I bring a background in neuroscience research, ethnography, and storytelling to capture and interpret the voice of the customer. I work best with teams that need to create strong connections with their customers or need to coordinate multiple PMs to ensure high-quality releases.

Ad-lib fill-in-the-blanks example

I am a PM that loves doing ________. My background in ______, ______, and _____ (the rule of 3) makes me _________ kind of PM. I work best with teams that need _______ ________. (Optional) I desire to work in ___________ space or industry.

Example 2 - Written from the perspective of T’Challa the Black Panther if he wanted to be a PM

I am a PM that loves doing universal aid and protection. My background in advanced technology, country level leadership, and vibranium extraction makes me a team leadership and product delivery kind of PM. I work best with teams that need global leadership or global equity strategies. I desire to work in the world saving or Marvel movie industry.

In both examples, we are making it clear to the author and the audience what kind of work they’re best for. There are lots of PMs in the world, and lots of styles of product management. Being in the wrong environment and having ADHD can be a recipe for disaster. I increase my probability of landing in the most ideal environment by making it clear what I want and what I have to offer a potential employer. My story sets me apart and shows I have a clear vision of myself as a product.

A hero’s journey in 4-steps

I’ve compressed my journey into 4 steps that I’ll cover in-depth over the next 4 issues. Check out the link in the self-assessment line if you want to get ahead of next week’s story. In the meantime, take a read and grant yourself a little kindness.

1. Take a self-assessment of product manager skills to reduce your ADHD insecurity by objectively identifying your strengths and weaknesses.

2. Ask others what your strengths are to help you build an image of yourself that is externally based. Your self-critic can’t argue with someone you admire.

3. Be matter-of-fact about your disability (or aspects of your role beyond your control if you don’t have a disability).

4. Create a story from the parts you found in steps 1-3 that best represents you.

Thanks for reading and reach out if you want to connect.

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A quote to share that helped me through my journey.

“I admire you for your strength: departing a job that doesn't suit you” - Some dude with a C in their name.