#2 Self-Assessment for the Insecure Soul

How a self-assessment with a connect the dots chart gave me a new way to write my personal story as a PM.

This is issue 2 in a 5 part series on how to re-write your inner critic. If you missed your exercise or meds this morning, jump to the 4 concluding insights.

In this issue, we focus on step 1 of 4 on reshaping the voice of your inner critic.

1. Take a self-assessment of product manager skills to reduce your ADHD insecurity by objectively identifying your strengths and weaknesses.

Now before you say, “why the hell did I open this email for basic advice?”. Hear me out. This particular assessment helped sidestep my ADHD because of two reasons.

1) I started by drawing a physical chart of my product manager (PM) skills. This helped me see myself holistically, instead of just my faults.

2) It gave me a vocabulary to describe the type of product manager in a way that was generalizable to the tech industry.

For my inattentive, self-doubt brain, doing the chart before going in-depth into the assessment was like a brain cheat code. I saw the picture of myself that I was proud of first. Which gave me a sense of purpose, instead of dread, to address my weaker areas. Furthermore, the insights and terms I found from the practice were reusable to the broader tech world. I was no longer limited to what my brain said I was.

The insecurities of not knowing what a PM does

I became a business intelligence (BI) product manager at Amazon after being a mediocre business intelligence engineer. I didn’t really know what the role meant beyond what I saw in the role guidelines. The main takeaways I remember were “builds new stuff” and “maybe higher pay?”. It was a lonely role as there are very few BI product managers at Amazon. My teammates were all engineers and I didn’t make the time to develop myself as a PM.

I never thought to learn the basics of being a PM or asses the kind of PM I wanted to be. I did the job and learned as I went. It was Amazon, you survive or wash out. I could do my job but I still felt like I lacked something in comparison to my peers that were more experienced PMs. As a result, I was constantly insecure about my abilities and opinions as a PM. My imposter syndrome was always lurking behind me. Even with my successes at Amazon and pending promotion there, I continued to carry my insecurities and self-doubt.

What kind of product manager are you?

During my crisis of “am I a good product manager?” a dear friend of mine sent me “What’s Your Shape? A Product Manager’s Guide to Growing Yourself and Your Team” by Ravi Mehta. The chart he presented was the first time I had seen a visual representation of the traits of a product manager.

I had only seen role guidelines written in table formats. Reading them mostly made me do an internal yes/no checklist of proficiency for my current level. They never inspired action or made me think to map my current traits. At best, it gave me some topic sentences or scope on what I had to hit for a promotion document.

Radar charts make my ADHD happy

Before I finished reading his article (thanks ADHD), I printed out the chart and filled it out. Ravi provides a comprehensive “Product Competency Toolkit” that includes a printable chart, role guidelines, and in-depth trait explanations.

For the ADHD brain, here is one simple tip before you do extensive reading and introspection.

Fill out the chart before reading the guidelines. If you have high self-doubt and are insecure like I was, I recommend this path. I’m far less afraid of drawing than I am of reading about role expectations. After you have your chart filled out, don’t read the role guidelines yet. Don’t worry about knowing too much about what each trait is yet. Go with your gut, you’ll come back and adjust it later.

Here’s the first time I did this.

Take a minute to see what kind of PM type you are and be proud of it. You bring strengths and experiences that no one else does. There are teams and companies that need the traits you offer right now. You don’t need to be off the chart on all of the traits. No one is. You only need to be clear on the traits you offer others and the areas you want to grow to succeed at your goals.

Turns out my PM chart says I’m a Charizard. (From a 1999 Pokemon guide)

With that newfound self-image, read the guidelines table or competency guide pdf. Both are hefty reads but, I found my excitement at being able to describe the type of PM I was motivated me to get through it*.

*Well, most of it.

Ok fine.

I skimmed it very thoroughly. It’s 45 pages, what did you expect? I have ADHD.

I did read the 75% role guidelines table though.

Correct the trait rankings on the chart as needed. I found it so much easier to do this self-assessment because I had a direction of who I was. It gave me a chance to think about why I was weaker in those areas and prioritize skills to develop. I wasn’t drowning in my list of shortcomings. Instead, I saw them as areas to backfill to support my strengths.

Backfilling skills is easier than being insecure

The same friend that sent me the assessment article also gave me the advice of “backfilling”. In the tech world, we often use the term “backfill” when we’ve made a code change and the data has to be updated. The change has already been made and now we have to wait for the rest of the system to catch up. We’re confident (most of the time) that the backfill works and that the change moves forward.

We can apply this same concept to quiet our insecurities. Instead of being paralyzed by ADHD anxiety or fear that comes with decision-making or self-evaluation, we can make a change and move forward. We trust in ourselves and our teammates to “backfill” the things we need to succeed. For me, going into new projects or teams with a shared idea of what to backfill, has immensely reduced my insecurities. I focus on the strengths I bring to a new team or project. Then identify, plan and trust myself to backfill what I need to be the best version of myself.

Doing a self-assessment gave me a shared language with which I could evaluate my skills and identify PM roles that are in need of those skills.

The power of self-description vocabulary

For one of my previous roles, I have listed on my resume being a PM of mobile, user experience, customer trust, or design. Whatever came to mind or what I thought might fit what recruiters or hiring managers were looking for. I was shotgunning out terms that I thought sounded good to me. I should have been using the vocabulary from the PM traits list. Vocabulary everyone else in our industry understands

When I saw the PM traits list from Ravi Mehta's self-assessment, it was like seeing a Pokemon game guide for the first time. I knew some stuff already but, it was so exciting to see the official traits laid out. Or a universal translator for you Star Trek fans. Screw these made-up as-I-go terms. I had found a language to describe the type of PM I was. Along with my traits of strength, and what I had to offer others.

From my assessment, I learned I am a Customer Insight type PM, with strong traits in the voice of the customer and user experience design. I need to backfill my abilities in data fluency to complete the main traits for that type. I struggle with metrics interview questions. I can’t seem to memorize common acquisition, activation, retention, and monetization (AARM) metrics. This is in part due to most of my work being in internal products which often track different metrics than external products.

I plan to backfill my business outcome ownership and product vision traits. I’m aware that my ADHD can cause me to procrastinate on challenges I’m scared of, which can result in poor ownership. I have let my self-doubt hamper my ability to create a confident product vision. Being aware of my ADHD disabilities and needed traits to do my job, helps me understand why and what I need to be the best.

For the first time, I could confidently state the type of PM I am in a way that’s clear to anyone who comes across my profile. It’s been incredibly uplifting and freeing to my insecurities. When I talk to potential recruiters now, I assume they already have a clear idea of what I bring to the table. I have freed myself and the recruiter from the awkward dance of what kind of PM I am and what they need. Both parties can be themselves. I can focus on telling them my unique story. The neuroscientist, kickboxer, Fulbright scholar, data visualization expert, and customer insight product manager.

Conclusion

1. A picture is worth a thousand words and can help you sidestep your ADHD self-critic and procrastination. Do the chart for yourself, if you do nothing else.

2. There is great power in being able to know the type of PM you are and using a language that others can understand.

3. Reframe weaknesses as areas to backfill to support your strengths. You probably have more strengths to backfill than weaknesses anyway.

4. Be proud of who you are, and write the story no one else can.

5. Being aware of my ADHD disabilities and needed traits to do my job, helps me understand why and what I need to be the best.

Next Week

I’ll discuss step 2 of our self-critic-reshaping journey. I’ll try to not let the new Pokemon game coming out in a few days delay my next issue.

Ask others what your strengths are to help you build an image of yourself that is externally based. Your self-critic can’t argue with someone you admire.

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Quote of the week. This was taken from the PM assessment link mentioned above. The idea of being a spikey outlier makes my ADHD brain happy. Surround yourself with other spikey people that bring you joy.

Meanwhile, the outlier companies chose to invest in people’s strengths and tolerate their weaknesses. McKinsey calls this “spiky leadership.” Exceptional leaders spike in critical areas and surround themselves with people who spike in complementary areas.

Thanks to R for introducing this all to me and being my friend.