#87🌱Lessons in self-care and capacity
Learning what self-care really means and letting go of trying to do it all.
Welcome to Tech Atypically 👋, your weekly blog for navigating the challenges of ADHD and being in the tech industry.
I am an ADHD and product management coach helping you change one belief and take one action each week.
🐼Do you work in Tech and are tired of struggling? Get ADHD and job skill coaching with Tech Atypically.
Part 13 of the Self-Care Series
🦋The Takeaways
Belief: I can accomplish everything I want to do with enough self-care.
Reality: Self-care optimizes performance but doesn’t increase capacity.
Action: Listen to what your body needs, not what your ADHD thinks you can handle.
⭐️Introduction
When I started this self-care series, I believed I could manage a full-time job, lead two companies I founded, and raise a child. I thought that with enough self-care I could optimize myself enough to do it all.
I knew that it was unlikely. But hey, I have ADHD, so I had to try.
I needed to learn the hard way that I was wrong.
Self-care helps you stay attuned to and nourish your body's needs, but it can't magically solve the fundamental problem of doing more than you can.
😵💫The Belief - ADHD makes you think you can do it all
With ADHD, you often believe you can take on everything. It's not just optimism or ambition - it's how your brain is wired. The same ADHD that makes you creative and able to see endless possibilities also convinces you that you can handle all those possibilities at once.
When people told me running three things simultaneously would be impossible, I didn't listen. I saw their concern as a challenge for a dopamine hit, not a warning.
This belief is particularly dangerous in tech, where "growth at all costs culture" meets ADHD fear of being wrong. You see others managing multiple projects, learning new skills, building side hustles, and your ADHD brain gets heavy with “should”.
"If they can do it, I should be able to do it." You convince yourself that with enough apps, systems, and determination, you can overcome your fear of being inferior. Your fear of being wrong or called out for not being as good as your peers.
Between my desire to do it all and the fear of not living up to the should, I pushed myself to do more than I could. I lied to myself until something broke and I had to let something go.
I don’t regret my choice to try though. By pushing beyond my limit, I learned how to be in better touch with myself and what was most important. I learned what self-care meant.
🤝The Reality - Self-care is a compass, not a cure
Self-care isn't about enabling you to do everything - it's about helping you understand what you need to do. While meditation, exercise, and other practices can help you optimize your energy and productivity, they can't create more hours in the day or expand your fundamental capacity.
I learned this the hard way trying to run two companies while working full-time. No amount of morning routines or productivity hacks could change the fact that I was simply trying to do too much.
Self-care practices were sending me signals about this - my constant need for recovery time, my difficulty sleeping, my struggle to stay present - but I wasn't listening.
The biggest breakthrough came when I finally understood that self-care wasn't failing me; it was trying to tell me something.
When I let go of one company, I discovered that self-care could work as intended - helping me maintain and optimize my energy for what truly mattered, rather than desperately trying to stretch myself beyond my limits.
🛠️The Action - Three fundamental truths about self-care
Sleep is the foundation for everything else. - Without proper sleep, you can't hear what your body needs.
Start with a consistent wake-up time, not bedtime. Your body will naturally adjust when to rest when you maintain the same morning routine. This sets up your ability to be in tune with what your body needs for everything else.
Consistency should serve you, not control you. - I used to think consistency meant never missing a deadline or always hitting every goal.
Now I understand consistency is about serving the need behind the habit. Like this newsletter - sometimes consistency means taking a week off when you have bronchitis. Let consistency work for you, not the other way around. (Sorry I haven’t published since Nov 6th)
Self-care is a signal, not a solution. - No amount of meditation or exercise can overcome a lack of capacity.
Instead, use self-care practices as inputs to understand what you need more or less of in your life. When I finally listened to what my body was telling me, I realized I needed to let go of one company to thrive in my other commitments.
Check the series link for ADHD Self-Care strategies.
✨Conclusion
I'm in a different place today than I was when I started this series.
I've learned that self-care isn't about pushing through everything - it's about dedicating the time and space to listen to what you need. The signals of your body, feelings, and dreams.
Sometimes you need to try doing it all to learn that you can't. That's okay. The real growth comes in learning to listen when your body tells you it's time for a change.
Now that I feel more stable and centered, I'm ready to explore a new question: What truly makes me happy? That will be the focus of my next series, as I dive into finding fulfillment and happiness in uncertain tech industry times.
🐼Get ADHD coaching for the job, behavioral challenges, and executive communication all in one place.
⏭️Next Week
Finding Fulfillment in Tech: A New Series Begins