#46😫 Burnout - Emergency Kindness
Taking the first steps to give yourself and others kindness.
Welcome to Tech Atypically 👋, your weekly blog that helps navigate the challenges of ADHD and being in the tech industry.
Part 1 of Coping with Burnout
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🌋Takeaways
ADHD burnout is its own special kind of burnout.
People with ADHD are more likely to burnout faster and harder than their neurotypical peers.
Give yourself some dopamine by doing a random act of kindness for someone you think needs it.
Emergency kindness can also be reframing negative ADHD behaviors as a form of celebration or joy.
⭐Introduction
In this new series, I explore stories around burnout. It’s a word that I’ve heard a lot from friends and family recently. I wanted to see how I could help them by doing the most ADHD thing I could. Hyperfocusing on the topic for the next X number of weeks.
Let’s dive in.
😫What is ADHD burnout?
You’ve probably heard the term burnout used in the context of work to describe exhaustion and hopelessness. However, I learned there’s also ADHD burnout.
“ADHD burnout is a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion that can be caused by long-term, unmanaged ADHD symptoms and stressors. It is often characterized by feelings of overwhelming fatigue, reduced productivity, and a sense of hopelessness or despair.” (source)
Now take that and sprinkle it with the general symptoms of burnout: lack of motivation, pain, poor performance, irritability, and pessimism, just to name a few (source).
In other words, ADHD makes a bad thing worse.
Burnout can take you from a happy-go-lucky person to someone embittered and anxious. If you have ADHD, you’re likely to experience burnout faster and more deeply than your neurotypical peers (source).
😫Why write about burnout now?
I was inspired to write this series because a number of family and close friends have been telling me they're burned out. Most of my friends are in tech, and it’s a messy world right now.
It’s hard to live as or live with someone who is burned out. You’re almost like a different person and it can be hard to see life in any other way than it is in that moment. It’s hard to be with loved ones who are no longer seem themselves and be helpless to help them.
I know because a year ago, I was completely burned out.
Being laid off was a sweet relief from burnout. I was free from one of the most challenging experiences of my life.
However, that feeling was quickly followed by an overwhelming dread and fear of being unemployed for the first time in my adult life.
It took me almost a year to get out of that dark period of my life. I’d like to help get my loved ones and you out of that dark period faster than I did.
I’ll be covering topics such as:
Managing home life
Finding a new job
Performance improvement plans
Anxiety
Quitting vs pivoting
😫Emergency kindness
Whether it’s you or a friend who’s burned out, there’s one simple thing you can do to help; emergency kindness.
Emergency kindness is doing a random act of kindness for yourself or others.
It can be small like meeting your friend for breakfast and buying him a breakfast sandwich (Thanks T).
Or it can be big like having your mother-in-law give you $50 dollars and child care for the night so you can go on a date with your wife (Thanks W).
Give yourself some dopamine by doing a random act of kindness for someone you think who needs it.
😫Reframing negative behaviors as kindness
Emergency kindness can also be reframing negative ADHD behaviors as a form of celebration or joy.
For example, I sometimes drink alcohol to avoid dealing with my emotions (you can also replace alcohol with my other vice, video games).
I drank more when I was burned out and the leading up to it. I wanted to escape from my situation but didn’t know what to do.
Shit, I want to drink a beer right now as a way to avoid the disappointment I feel at being late with the newsletter this week.
However, drinking is a gift. It is a gift that celebrates kindness and joy, especially when shared with others. Or a gift that leads to avoidance, pain, and self-destruction, especially when drunk alone.
It’s what I choose to make of it. I like to choose kindness most of the time.
Have drank as a way to self-sabotage and escape? Yep.
Am I going to have a beer as soon as I’m done writing to celebrate this unexpected story? Yep.
My point is not to advocate for drinking alcohol or playing video games. My point is that sometimes kindness begins by recognizing that the intent of our behaviors can make the same thing a source of joy or a poison.
An emergency kindness can be as simple as sharing your favorite game or drink with a friend or by yourself with a good song.
✨Conclusion
My recovery from burnout started on Friday, Oct 28th, 2022. It was the day I left my last job. That day is seared into my brain.
Exactly 365 days later on Friday, Oct 27, 2023, I’ll celebrate the first day of my company Common Ritual Whiskey. The date will have a new meaning to me.
That wasn’t intentional but a random coincidence. I like to believe it’s the universe’s way of giving me some kindness and celebrating my new future.
Enjoy responsibly.
If you or a loved one wants help for a substance abuse problem, SAMHSA’s National Helpline.
🐼Want to learn more, talk to me.
⏭️Next Week
The difference between quitting and pivoting from a job you hate.