#34⚙️ Core PM Skills - Engineering (Story)
Finding the courage to share what you need to form meaningful connections with engineering teams.
Welcome to Tech Atypically 👋, your weekly blog that explores the intersection of ADHD, product management, and the complexities of a neurodiverse life. In each issue, I dive into the science, stories, and strategies that can help you navigate the challenges of ADHD and being a product manager.
Part 9 of the Book of ADHD Product Management awaits you in this edition.
🌋Takeaways
Having a meaningful connection with a partner is a foundation for creating great products.
Strong connections are formed when you have the courage to share how you connect with others.
🐼Connect with me for free ADHD help
⭐Introduction
Welcome to my chapter on “Working with engineering teams”. I’m going to spend the next 3 weeks talking about the importance of forming a connection with your engineering partners, how ADHD can get in your way, and strategies to help you connect more meaningfully with your partners.
My ADHD fuels a strong desire to create something. I constantly find myself engaged in new side hustles and struggle to find enjoyment in downtime. However, this drive to create comes with its challenges. I often grapple with self-limiting beliefs that question my ability to create, despite the inherent drive within me. At times, these beliefs and accompanying anxiety get the best of me, causing me to abandon projects I had meticulously planned, such as a cooking show, a travel show, and even a tech podcast. On other occasions, my determination to create prevails, leading me to embark on ventures like an ADHD newsletter and a whiskey company.
As a product manager with limited coding skills, I heavily rely on my engineering partners to bring my ideas to life. The strength of my connection with these partners can significantly impact my experience and the success of my team. I have discovered that the key lies in mustering the courage to share my needs and weaknesses with others. By creating a safe space to be vulnerable, I invite others to do the same, fostering an environment of collaboration and growth.
🦊Story - When an ADHD PM meets an ADHD EM
Once upon a time I was partnered with an engineering manager (EM) I had challenges with. I found them to be disorganized, hard to find time with, and didn’t have a strong product direction opinion. Writing product strategies with them was difficult. We got along very well socially but I struggled to get work done with them.
Their lack of product direction amplified my ADHD anxiety to 100. I struggled to define our product direction and lead our team. My self-doubt of not knowing everything stopped me from making progress and I didn’t have a partner to pull me out of my spin. I had never had this challenge before and I didn’t know what to do.
In a classic ADHD fashion, I ran. I eventually decided to leave the team because I thought I was a failure. I transferred to a different team but before I left the EM and I had a heart-to-heart talk. I talked about my challenges with ADHD and working with them. In response, they shared they had ADHD too. I had a profound Aha moment when I learned this.
I saw our previous experiences from a new perspective. It was a challenge because we shared some of the same behaviors and needs. I tend to assume I’m a broken person and depend on others to fill my gaps. Had I known earlier about their ADHD, I would have changed my working style with them. I would have seen their gaps with empathy and found new ways to approach working with them. We could have leaned on each other instead of amplifying each other’s gaps.
I wish I hadn’t run away. I wish I would have had the opportunity to see how we would have grown together now knowing how to communicate with each other. Maybe it would have worked wonderfully or maybe it would have the same outcome. I’ll never know because I chose to run.
They left me with an important lesson though. Having a meaningful connection with a partner is a foundation for creating great products. And connections are formed when you have the courage to share how you connect with others.
✨Conclusion
The moral of this story is not to tell everyone you have ADHD. Nor is it that people with ADHD should never work together. Not at all.
The moral is the about importance of taking the risk to share yourself with others in order to form meaningful connections. To be vulnerable in sharing how you perceive the world and what you need to succeed. It is the willingness to put your own preconceptions and learned behaviors aside to learn others share their needs. And the courage to act on new things you learn about yourself and others. Connection is what drives me to create and collaborate. My ADHD makes it a superpower and a kryptonite though. More on that next week.
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⏭️Next Week
The science of working with engineering and forming meaningful connections.