#15 The PM Interview and Self-Monitoring Part 2
How a framework I learned from getting punched in the face helps you recover from interview panic.
Now with 50% fewer memes and longer takeaways.
Part 5 of 12 of the Product Manager Interview and Executive Function (EF) Series. Scroll to the bottom to see the domains of EF I’ll be covering in no particular order.
The Scientific Meaning of Self-Monitoring
A personality trait reflecting an ability to modify one’s behavior in response to situational pressures, opportunities, and norms. High self-monitors are typically more apt to conform their behavior to the demands of the situation, whereas low self-monitors tend to behave in accord with their internal feelings.1
Takeaways
The BRRR Framework
Break the fixation.
Reassess and Refocus on what is in front of you.
Recover with intent.
Self-monitoring is about making sure you’re authentic self is present at the moment not about getting the job.
Introduction
In part 1, I discussed time dilation and strategies to keep yourself calm during an interview. In part 2 of Self-Monitoring, I discuss a framework to get yourself out of a panic state during an interview.
Imagine that you’re in a job interview and it’s going great. You’ve been calm and breathing like a champ so far. Things are going great. Then suddenly, it happens. It could be a question you weren’t prepared for. Or you realize halfway through an answer, you could have done a much better job. Or maybe you realize you’re rambling and think, “Oh, F- me”. Your mind goes blank and you begin to panic. Your heart begins to race and your hands begin to sweat. What once felt soft and smooth from the expensive hand lotion you stole from your partner, has become greasy. The more you speak, the more you feel yourself sinking into the bog of failure and embarrassment. You tell yourself to stop but you can’t stop. You won’t stop. You are in a state of panic and time dilation. If you’re in full panic during a job interview, it’s ok. Just remember to BRRR (Break, Reassess & Refocus, Recover)
Tilt, Blown, Punched in the Face
Before I go into the BRRR framework, I want to introduce some of the inspiration for how I formed it. I pulled concepts from three different industries, poker, food services, and fighting. I want to illustrate that despite their differences, they have a common thread on how to manage being panicked or overwhelmed.
Tilt - A term that describes a poker player that has been emotionally compromised and can no longer make clear-minded decisions. Their decision-making and strategy abilities decrease which likely leads to a loss and poor emotional state2.
Recognizing when oneself is “on tilt” allows the player to recuse themself and reassess their strategy.
Conversely, recognizing when an opponent is on tilt allows you to gain an advantage by forcing mistakes that the opponent would not normally make.
Blown - A term from the food service industry that describes someone that has been completely overwhelmed. It is a sign to the kitchen and service staff that an intervention is needed. You need some time to reset and then you’ll be back in service. Leadership and emotions researcher Brene Brown describes it:
“When you’re blown, you can either step outside or into the cooler or go to the bathroom (and cry). Whatever you need. You’re expected back in ten minutes, ready to go, but for ten minutes, there’s a complete takeover.”3
“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face” - Mike Tyson. Not a one-word term but it still applies. I have first-hand experience with this lesson from being punched (and kicked) in the face by 5 kickboxing world champions. Some were bigger than me, some were smaller than me. All tossed me around like a paper doll in a wind tunnel.
Being punched in the face strips your ego and thoughts immediately and puts you in a state of full panic. Learning how to keep yourself calm and do the exact opposite of what your mind and body telling you at that moment is the real challenge. Learning to maintain focus in the face of absolute panic, frustration, and helplessness has been foundational in my confidence and emotional regulation. If can stay calm in a fight with the scariest person I know, I can stay calm in everything else.
A Framework for Panic - BRRR
Bring yourself back to the job interview I was describing earlier. Back to the moment of greasy palms, panic, and a red light on your webcam reminding you’re still being watched by a stranger, thousands of miles away. You are panicked and feel your words slowly digging you into a deeper grave. For me, this was my interview last Friday. I realized I wasn’t connecting with my interviewer. I had BRRR my way out of panic.
Break the fixation.
The first thing you need to do is break yourself out of your panic state. You can do this by applying a novel physical or mental trigger to yourself. Your ADHD can hyper-fixate on panic just like it does with scrolling Reddit. You can apply an unexpected trigger to “snap out of it”.
Physical examples: Squeeze the soft area between your thumb and index finger with your other hand, step on your foot, pinch the back of your neck, or firmly scratch yourself. Whatever you can do without confusing the interviewer.
Mental examples: Reimagine the people or question you’re answering in the context of your favorite hero, pokemon, cartoon animal, etc. Something weird but something happy.
See I broke your fixation with text blocks My example: After I noticed the interviewer wasn’t engaged with me, I started rubbing my hands more. I read their body language and realized, I needed to bring value to them.
Reassess and Refocus on what is in front of you.
Reassesses by stepping back and asking more questions or reasking the initial question. Engage with your interviewer to see what they are experiencing. Learn more about what they’re looking for. Explore or kill time so that you can re-strategize.
Refocus by combining what you have done so far with your new information. What have I written down so far? What’s left in the story I need to tell? Adapt your story or answer based on the new input.
My example: This interview was more about me asking them about the role. Up until then, I had been saying stuff about myself. I hadn’t asked what their challenges were. I pivoted the conversation to identifying a key pain point for them and removed myself from the focus. This allowed me to reframe myself as someone there to help them, rather than a nervous interviewee.
Don’t let your panic consume you. Recover with intent.
Recover by executing what you decided to do and allow your honest self to come out. When you’re panicked, much like being punched in the face, your strategy goes out the door. That’s OK because you’re left with yourself and that’s who they want. They’re not hiring someone who can answer the questions right, they’re hiring someone that they collaborate with and solve their problems. Even saying “I don’t know, but here’s what I do know” is a great answer. People like to work with those who are self-aware.
My example: I listened to their pain point, and asked if they’d like to hear a story of how I’ve approached the challenge in the past. They said yes and I explained. They left grateful having learned something and I felt like we finally connected. Whether or not I get the job, I am very happy that I was able to add something of value to their job.
Conclusion
The BRRR framework isn’t a 100% guarantee that you’re going to get the job or recover from bad social interaction. It’s not meant to. It’s meant to help you self-monitor to ensure that the person there at the moment is the authentic you. Maybe you’re a good fit for this job, or maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re skilled enough, maybe not. You won’t really know unless you’re able to put your true self in that moment. By presenting your true self in a job interview, you increase the likelihood of finding the right fit for you.
Next Week
How ADHD can wreck Planning and Prioritization. The 1 thing that PMs are supposed to do.
https://dictionary.apa.org/self-monitoring