#14 The PM Interview and Self-Monitoring Part 1
Lessons in time dilation and being confident.
Now with 100% more memes and shorter takeaways.
Part 4 of 13 of the Product Manager Interview and Executive Function (EF) Series. Scroll to the bottom to see the domains of EF I’ll be covering in no particular order.
The Scientific Meaning of Self-Monitoring
A personality trait reflecting an ability to modify one’s behavior in response to situational pressures, opportunities, and norms. High self-monitors are typically more apt to conform their behavior to the demands of the situation, whereas low self-monitors tend to behave in accord with their internal feelings.1
Takeaways
Time dilation during high-pressure situations like interviews is real. Slow down and take more time than you feel.
Be intentional, confident, and brief in your interview answers. Saying more than you need can be a liability and cause unneeded confusion.
Your diversity is a source of strength and not shame.
Introduction
Being in a job interview can feel like a pressure cooker, ADHD or not. When I’m under stress, I struggle to listen to the conversation over the thudding sound of my heartbeat. The center of my chest feels like it has an oval that sucks in my breath leaving me with no oxygen to form a coherent thought. I struggle to think as full panic settles in and I…
Start talking really fast. My mind races to come up with answers to the question. I start babbling ideas and then refuting them in real time. To my audience, I must seem confused and scattered. I keep trying to smile but I know I’m screwed. They patiently wait for me to shut up and hang up. Inside, I’m trying so hard to control my impulsive thoughts and behaviors. To somehow salvage this conversation and maybe make it to the next interview. Thankfully for me, the last time this happened was with a mock interview partner last week. What you read is one example of how ADHD deregulation of self-monitoring can get in your way during job interviews. In part 1, I’m going to discuss strategies to slow yourself down during interviews and use time dilation to your advantage.
Stress, Panic, Flow, and Time
Before I talk about strategies, let’s talk a little bit about science. Specifically, time dilation. Time dilation is the perception of time slowing down due to a significant stimuli2. Time dilation can occur due to positive and negative stimuli. You can experience it while under extreme stress such as right before a car accident, falling from a bike, or interviewing at Amazon. You can also experience it in moments of joy or concentration. It’s often referred to as the "flow state". An experience in which you become completely immersed in what you're doing, time slows down, and you are doing the task in your peak form3. It could be from being on vacation on a sandy beach, writing a product doc you're excited about, or kickboxing in a bar in Thailand. Today I’m going to go over strategies to take advantage of time dilation and regulate your impaired self-monitoring system.
Short and Sweet
My partner told me that I spent 38 minutes so far answering her “build me an app” question and I still had 2 sections to go. It should have been a 20-30 minute exercise. I failed. I failed hard. Her main feedback was 1) I went into too much detail and 2) that I had asked her to take time to think about something but then didn’t. I had just started writing. I argued that I had taken time. Thanks to time dilation I had the sensation of a minute passing while the interviewer experienced only a few seconds. Time dilation, panic, and over answering the question had screwed me.
The Power of Yes
This experience made me think of a key lesson my mentor and friend at Tableau taught me when I was a sales engineer. I’m paraphrasing him:
Sometimes the best answer is just yes.
Saying more than what you need can introduce uncertainty and concern to topics that might not matter. If customers have more questions about it, let them ask. Your job is earn trust and make the process of yes as easy as possible.
Can your product do X? Yes. Is your product secure? Yes. Cool. Let’s go to a lunch someone else is paying for. (This is a romanticized version of what sales engineering is like. It is much more complicated than this).
Strategies to Manipulate Time Dilation
You can apply this lesson to interviews by keeping your answers intentional, confident, and brief.
Project intention by taking a pause before you answer and coming up with a structure/outline to your answer.
Those interviewers got nothing on you. Have a piece of paper or a browser tab outside of the view of the interviewer(s) to list ideas or formulate an answer.
Remember to keep breathing slowly and remember that time for you is moving more slowly. You don’t need to rush your answer. You’re in time-dilation land.
If you have social anxiety or nervousness you can try turning off your camera or hiding the video as you’re brainstorming and turning it back on when you’re ready. The lack of seeing faces can help you keep your attention on the task and reduce anxiety. Make the intention clear before you do it to avoid confusing the interviewers. “I’m nervous. It would help me to turn off the camera as I jot my notes for a few minutes. Would that be OK? I’m happy to walk you through my process once I’m done.”
Project confidence by taking a deep breath in before you decide what you’re going to say.
Slowly exhale and think about what you want to say. Pause.
Use that time to simplify the thought further if you can. A simple answer is all you need.
When you’re ready to speak, breathe in and try to speak a little slower than what you think is normal. Time dilation will normalize the speed. Slow, steady, and brevity = confidence.
Try to be standing while speaking as it opens up your diaphragm and allows you to project and breathe easier.
Avoid having your camera angle come up from below if possible. The upward angle draws attention away from your eyes to your chin and neck.
Box breathing is a common technique for handling stress, panic, and mindfulness Be brief and let the interviewer(s) direct what they want to be clarified.
Oversharing (talking too much) in interviews is a liability, not a strength. Especially if you’re an extroverted ADHD person like myself. Letting the interviewer lead what gets more details lets regulate your oversharing and focus on what they need. State the direction, not the details.
If the interviewer is awfully quiet, try to engage them. Regularly check in to see if you’re going on the right path. If they nudge towards a particular path lean towards yes but, evaluate first. I have the mindset that the interviewer wants me to succeed but I have to be ready to accept their help. However, I have to trust in my instincts and double-check that their direction aligns with my instincts. There’s a big difference in intent between someone wanting to see how you respond to the unexpected and someone trying to flunk you. I don’t want to work with the latter.
Self-Reflection from Writing this Story
Part of why I talk a lot in interviews is because I think I have to justify why I’m there. I have to subliminally explain why I’m currently a Sr/Staff PM in my late 30s while my peers are often in their late 20s. I carry a sense of shame that I’m not as far along as my peers. I talk in more detail than I really need to as a way to cope and cover my shame. Not to mention the fear of being rejected. Maybe if I talk enough, they won’t notice my flaws and like me.
It’s not healthy behavior and feeling to carry. I openly recognize that to myself and to you.
My response is to grant myself kindness. The kindness to recognize that as a PM with ADHD, I bring a number of careers and experiences to my role. I have not only worked with various stakeholders, but I have also been those various stakeholders. I have shared and walked in their shoes. I bring a depth of user empathy that someone that has only ever been a PM probably can’t match.
I have to remind myself that I may not be as high on the same mountain as my peers, but I have climbed many mountains. And the mountain I’m climbing today might not be the same in 5 years. Why does it matter how far I climb then? My diversity is a source of strength and not shame.
Shame is not my barrier, trying to figure out how to summarize the totality of my skills and experiences into 2-3 sentences is. I better figure it out before my job interview at 630 am tomorrow.
Next week
The PM Interview and Self-Monitoring Part 2. Strategies when you’re in full panic mode in an interview.
https://dictionary.apa.org/self-monitoring
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/extreme-fear/201102/controlling-the-flow-time
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology)