#76🛀 Self-Care: Balancing Life, Work, and Side Hustles

How our capacity to achieve starts with self-care.

Welcome to Tech Atypically 👋, your weekly blog for navigating the challenges of ADHD and being in the tech industry.

I am an ADHD and product management coach helping you change one belief and take one action each week.

🐼Are you looking to be more productive at work and spend less time procrastinating? We can help.

⭐️ Series Introduction

I’ve been trying to tackle a difficult math problem for the last 4 weeks. How do I take my 72-hour work week and get in under 50 hours?

40 hours of my week is non-negotiable because it’s my job. The other 32 hours are from my two businesses, Common Ritual Whiskey and Tech Atypically Coaching.

I also have a wife, a child, two terminally ill moms, a house that needs repairs, and a garden to worry about. It’s overwhelming when I look at it all.

I’ve been doing my best the last month to balance everything but I know it’s unsustainable. I’m tired and I worry about my health and well-being. (I’m waiting for urgent care to open as I write this.)

This struggle gave birth to my new series on self-care. Or “How can I thrive at my job, while building my dream companies, and not run myself into the ground?”.

For the next X number of weeks, I’ll explore how neurodiverse people can better care for themselves while striving towards seemingly impossible goals.

🦋 The Takeaways

Belief: Self-care is optional.

Reality: Self-care determines our capacity for everything else we do.

Action: Prioritize self-care as part of your productivity plans.

⭐️ Introduction

In the tech culture of “growth of all costs”, it's easy to see self-care as a luxury.

Something you can postpone until all other tasks are completed. However, this mindset can lead to burnout, decreased productivity, and overall misery.

Sprinkle ADHD on top of that and you can have someone who can be chronically ill, emotionally dysregulated, and underperforming at work.

To prevent this, you have to change your mindset.

Self-care is not optional; it’s a fundamental part of our capacity to handle life's demands.

To explore this topic, I’m joined by two other ADHD and tech industry experts, Katie Ferrell and Brett Greene. Over a recorded call we discussed the importance of self-care and ADHD

Katie is a licensed clinical mental health counselor specializing in ADHD and neurodivergence. Brett is an ADHD and executive coach who works primarily with tech professionals.

💭 The Belief – Self-Care is Optional

I used to believe self-care was selfish. It was an optional reward for myself once I’d handled my responsibilities and goals.

This belief is deeply ingrained in many of us, particularly in the tech industry where productivity and achievement are highly valued.

The “startup culture” has become a euphemism for “we expect you to dedicate your life to this job and you're gonna like it”.

You’re led to believe that dedicating time to self-care is selfish or unnecessary, especially when there are deadlines, projects to complete, and people depending on us.

Katie explains how many of her clients struggle with the idea that self-care is not a priority. She shares, "Many of us, especially those with ADHD, feel that taking time for ourselves is indulgent. We are so focused on our tasks and responsibilities that we forget to take a moment to breathe."

This reflects a common mindset in tech: prioritizing work and obligations over personal well-being. Yet, this approach is not sustainable.

When you push self-care to the sidelines, you risk depleting your mental, physical, and emotional reserves, decreasing your overall effectiveness, and satisfaction.

Self-care isn’t optional.

🔍 The Reality – Self-Care Determines Capacity

The truth is, that self-care is essential for determining our overall capacity.

However, what is self-care? It’s a word thrown around a lot but not often defined. You know you need to do “it” but what is “it”?

Katie defines it as:

"Self-care is not just a set of activities; it’s about taking care of yourself in different dimensions of wellness—financial, social, physical, and mental."

Brett adds, "Self-care is important because, even if you're not neurodivergent, the world is overwhelming. Nobody's built for having to jump between multiple communication platforms and managing various tasks simultaneously."

These insights highlight that self-care is not merely about relaxation. It’s about ensuring you have the mental, emotional, and physical capacity to handle your responsibilities effectively.

This is especially important in the face of the overwhelming challenges of today’s incessantly moving world.

When you prioritize self-care, you improve your ability to manage stress and enhance your overall resilience. In other words, when you make space for yourself, you make the capacity for everything else.

🛠️ The Action – Prioritizing Self-Care

Here are 5 strategies from Brett and Katie to help you practice self-care today.

• Schedule Self-Care: Treat self-care activities like important appointments.

  • Brett Greene shares, "One of the primary self-care things we can do is have a practice of pausing." This means blocking out time for activities that rejuvenate you.

  • By scheduling regular breaks and self-care activities, you create a structure that supports your well-being. Consider using tools like calendars and reminders to ensure you don't skip these crucial appointments with yourself.

• Set Boundaries: Katie suggests, "Learn to say no to additional commitments that can overwhelm you. Protect your self-care time by setting clear boundaries with work and personal obligations."

  • This might mean declining extra projects at work or setting aside specific times when you are unavailable for meetings or social engagements.

  • Setting boundaries involves communicating your limits to others and being firm about your need for self-care.

• Mindfulness Practices: Incorporate mindfulness techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, or yoga.

  • These practices help reduce stress and increase awareness of your needs. Brett believes, "Meditation gives me a place where things are kind of centered and not quiet, but quiet enough to let things go."

  • Mindfulness practices can be integrated into your daily routine in small, manageable segments. Even a few minutes of mindfulness each day can have a significant impact on your stress levels and overall sense of well-being.

• Identify Needs: Katie recommends using a needs list to pinpoint what might be missing in your life.

  • She explains, "If you're feeling pulled towards a certain activity, it might be telling you something about a need that's not being met". Reflect on your current state and identify areas where you might be neglecting your needs.

  • This could include physical exercise, social interaction, creative expression, or rest. By acknowledging and addressing these needs, you create a more balanced and fulfilling life.

• Reflective Questions: Brett highlights the importance of asking yourself reflective questions to ensure your actions align with your goals.

  • Is this the most important thing I should be doing with my time and resources right now?

  • Will this effort make the highest possible contribution toward my goal?

  • Regular self-reflection helps you stay aligned with your priorities and ensures that your actions are purposeful and effective.

  • Consider journaling or having regular check-ins with yourself to assess your progress and adjust your plans as needed.

Reflective Questions Cheat Sheet to start your journey toward better self-care

• What self-care activities make you feel rejuvenated and energized?

• How can you incorporate more of these activities into your daily routine?

• What boundaries can you set to protect your self-care time?

• How can you use mindfulness to become more aware of your needs and stress levels?

✨ Conclusion

Self-care is not optional; it's critical to determining our capacity and productivity. By prioritizing self-care, you can enhance your well-being and perform better in all areas of life.

It's not about being selfish; it's about being connected with your energy and resources to achieve your best self.

I’m still trying to figure out my self-care routine. I don’t know how I’ll answer my math problem of reducing my work by over 20 hours a week. I know I have to try, for the sake of myself, my job, my family, and my businesses.

🐼Join other tech professionals learning to thrive at work with their neurodiversity.

⏭️Next Week

How my blog fits into my self-care routine.