#51❤️ Burnout - Confronting the greatest fears of our next job
How to listen to your fears and take action with your burnout.
Welcome to Tech Atypically 👋, your weekly blog for navigating the challenges of ADHD and being in the tech industry. Written by an ADHD coach and product manager.
Part 6 of the Coping with Burnout series.
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⭐Introduction
One way that ADHD holds you back from burnout recovery is by exaggerating the fear of what might happen if you make a change. The fear keeps you stuck.
Today I discuss how to listen to your biggest fears and begin to take action to recover from burnout.
❤️The false belief that things can get worse
When you’re burned out, it’s easier to believe the pain you feel today is easier to deal with than the pain of what may happen with change.
To believe that your present life is the best it could be and any attempt to change it will only result in more pain.
That’s a lie told to you by your ADHD. It’s a combination of your imposter syndrome, self-loathing, anxiety, self-doubt, and hopelessness.
It’s exaggerated fear mixed with the false belief that things can only get worse. That you only deserve for things to get worse.
So what do you do in the face of fear and ADHD?
You have a conversation with it, let in others, and move on.
❤️Ask yourself one question
What are you most afraid of in your next job?
Sit with this question and make a list (ADHD people love lists right?) of things that you’re most scared of. Have a conversation with your fear.
Instead of using your emotional energy to hold back your negative thoughts, let them loose. Listen to your fear. They are part of a signal of what you need.
Here are some examples:
I’m afraid I can’t be a PM anywhere else than where I was.
The new job is even worse than my current job.
I’ll burn out again.
People will find out I’m a fraud.
No one will value my experiences and skills.
Getting the last job was a fluke and I won’t be able to get another.
I won’t have time for myself or my family.
I can’t get another job.
The goal is to learn to be comfortable with your feelings, even your fears. To be present with your dreams and your fears.
If this task looks familiar, this is a companion question to the previous post on how to take the first step to looking for a job.
❤️My greatest fears
Here’s a list of my greatest fears when I left a previous job.
Getting the last job was a fluke and I won’t be able to get another.
Not being a “good” or “real” PM and I should find a new career.
No one will value my experiences and skills because everything I’ve done is due to luck.
❤️Breaking it down with introspection and sharing
Now that you’ve listened to your fears it’s time to confront and learn from them. You can do with with a three-step process.
Rationalization (logic the shit out of the fear)
Letting it out with others
Process it
With my kind of ADHD, I use rationalization in order to avoid processing emotions.
It can be an effective way to survive certain situations but it’s the equivalent of sweeping the dirt under the rug.
Yeah, it seems like you dealt with it on the surface but you know deep down inside, you haven’t dealt with shit.
However, the logic does give you a foundation to share your negative and positive thoughts with others.
Sharing your fears with others and releasing them from your ADHD anxiety loop is one of the most powerful things you can do to quiet your fear and re-frame your mindset.
I went around sharing with my friends, former co-workers, and my family the fears from my list.
What I got back was not an affirmation of my fear. I got reinforcement that my fears were exaggerated. That my perspective of myself was skewed. My fear was wrong.
I shared myself and I got back love.
❤️Here’s how I reframed my fear with logic and love.
Getting the last job was a fluke and I won’t be able to get another.
I will get another job. I have to in order to provide for my family. It’s a matter of when. Not if.
Not being a “good” or “real” PM and should find a new career.
I’m a PM whether I like it or not. It’s in my job title on LinkedIn twice so it must be real. My self-doubt can’t change what I’ve done. I can choose to continue on the path or leave it if it’s what I want.
No one will value my experiences and skills because everything I’ve done is due to luck.
I make my luck. Luck might get you in the door for a job but your skills and abilities get you hired.
✨Conclusion
Fear can keep you in your place. It can make you believe in a reality that is far worse than what could really happen.
It’s important to remember when you’re burned out, you’ve typically already hit bottom. It could get worse. However, the scarier thing is staying there at the bottom. You need to move.
Choose to listen to fear, let in love, and make your move.
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⏭️Next Week
Finding rest when all you want to do is cry.