#125⏳ How Long Can You Keep Masking?
The real question isn’t “should I disclose?” It’s “how long can I sustain this?”
Welcome to Tech Atypically 👋, your weekly blog for navigating the challenges of ADHD and being in the tech industry.
I am an ADHD and product management coach, helping you change one belief and take one action each week.
🐼Do you work in Tech and are tired of struggling? Get ADHD and job skill coaching with Tech Atypically.
Part 4 of the Things I Wished I Knew Sooner Series
🦋 The Takeaways
Belief: I can mask at work indefinitely now that I understand what’s happening.
Reality: Masking has an expiration date—you’ll hit burnout or a PIP eventually.
Action: Ask yourself how long you can sustain this, and if it’s not “indefinitely,” make a plan now.
⭐️ Introduction
Welcome back to Things I Wished I Knew Sooner. Last week, I talked about what to do immediately after getting diagnosed—slow down and gather information.
But what happens after you’ve done that? What if you’ve read your employee handbook, assessed your manager, and realized disclosure isn’t safe?
That’s a valid choice. Sometimes it’s the smartest choice you can make. But it comes with a cost that’s easy to underestimate.
I’ve read countless debates online about whether to disclose or not. Everyone wants a clear answer. But in my conversation with my fellow coaches Michael Asaku-Yeboah and Rupert Dallas, Michael asked something that reframed the entire question:
“How long are you able to endure this?”
That question stopped me cold. Because it shifts the focus from should I disclose? to how long can I sustain not disclosing?
Today, I want to talk about what that question really means—and why your answer matters more than you think.
😵💫 The Belief - I Can Keep This Up
Once you’re diagnosed, there’s this weird sense of control. You finally understand why certain things are hard. You know what you’re working with. Your seemingly broken, scattered, disappointing, or (insert your favorite self-deprecating adjective here) behaviors suddenly make sense.
And if you’ve been masking your whole life without knowing it, you figure—I’ve made it this far. Now that I understand what I’m doing, I can do it better. More strategically.
(Masking, for you newbies, is hiding your ADHD traits or compensating for them so that others don’t notice your struggles. It’s working extra hours to meet deadlines, over-preparing for meetings because you know you’ll forget things, or taking on grunt work because at least you can reliably deliver that.)
You tell yourself: I’ll work harder on the things that don’t come naturally. I’ll use AI for writing. I’ll set more alarms. I’ll batch my emails. I’ll find workarounds for every weakness. I’ll fix my flaws with brute strength.
The diagnosis feels like it gives you power. You’re not just flailing anymore—you’re adapting with intention.
And maybe you can keep it up. For a while.
🤝 The Reality - Masking Has an Expiration Date
Here’s what I didn’t realize: masking without accommodations is unsustainable. It has a shelf life. You won’t see the expiration date coming, but it’s there.
Michael explained it this way: “You’re going to be working 12 hours, 16 hours because you need to. Or you’re going to be everybody’s dumping ground because that’s the only way you’re able to prove your worth.”
I felt that in my chest. Because I’ve taken on other people’s work out of fear of not being seen as a “top performer”. I’ve worked weekends to compensate for the focus I lose during the week. I’ve stayed late to finish things that should have taken half the time.
And it works. Until it doesn’t.
The masking spiral:
You start by working extra hours to compensate for what’s harder. You take on additional work to prove your value. You become the person who always says yes, who always delivers, who fills in the gaps.
Your manager sees someone “reliable” but maybe not “strategic.” Someone who gets things done but doesn’t seem to have time for high-impact work. Someone who’s working a lot but not on the right things. (I’ve been told this so many times, just writing this out hurts my chest)
Eventually, the cracks show. You miss a deadline because you’re stretched too thin. You make careless mistakes because you’re exhausted. You forget something important because you’re juggling too much.
And then—without warning—you’re on a performance improvement plan.
This is where the tragedy happens. Michael explained: “A lot of times those who mask end up getting in trouble and then wishing they disclosed. They get put on performance management, and then they raise their hand and say, ‘Hey, I have this disability.’ But the trust has already been broken.”
At that point, even if you get accommodations, most managers’ goal is to get rid of you. The relationship is damaged. Your options are limited.
The questions Michael asked:
“How long are you able to endure that? How long are you able to sustain working without any accommodation and overworking yourself?”
I don’t have an easy answer. It’s the kind of question that forces you to be honest with yourself in a way that’s uncomfortable.
🛠️ The Action - Calculate Your Sustainability
If you’ve decided not to disclose, be brutally honest about your timeline.
Rupert's advice from last week still applies here: "You need to understand what kind of company you work for and the kind of manager you have before you put yourself in a vulnerable place." But now you're adding another layer: understanding your own limits.
Ask yourself:
1. How long can I actually sustain this pace?
Not “how long am I willing to try”—how long can you physically, mentally, emotionally keep this up?
If you’re working 12-hour days, sacrificing weekends, and constantly exhausted—that’s not sustainable.
2. What are my warning signs?
What does burnout look like for you? Missing deadlines? Careless mistakes? Irritability? Physical symptoms?
Know your red flags.
3. What are my options if this doesn’t work?
Michael’s framework: “We need to explore interim things so that you either outlast this manager or you’re able to plot an escape route.”
Your options:
Outlasting the manager: Is there a realistic timeline? Or just hoping?
Transferring internally: Are there less demanding roles?
Preparing to leave: Start interviewing before you’re desperate
Disclosing strategically: Is it less risky than continuing to mask?
4. What can I control right now?
Even without disclosing:
Get your own assistive technology
Change your work patterns
Set boundaries on non-essential work
Build your escape plan
Seek a diagnosis or pursue additional ADHD care through coaching, therapy, occupational therapy, or an exercise professional (regular exercise is key for me).
The hard truth:
If your answer to “how long can I sustain this?” is anything other than “indefinitely,” you need a plan. Masking without one means you’re waiting to fail.
✨ Conclusion
The question “should I disclose?” assumes there’s a right answer. There isn’t.
But “how long can I sustain this?” is answerable. And your answer determines everything.
Masking is expensive. It costs you time, energy, health, and often your career trajectory anyway. The question isn’t whether masking has costs—it’s whether those costs are worth it given your specific situation.
Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes you’re in survival mode, and masking is the best bad option you have.
But if you’re going to mask, do it with your eyes open. Know your limits. Have a plan for when you hit them.
Because you will hit them. The only question is whether you’ll be ready.
🐼 Ready to navigate your own ADHD challenges with personalized support?
Get coaching that helps you find what works for your unique brain and situation.
⏭️ Next Week
A collaboration piece or a solo one. I won’t know until next week because I have ADHD...