#120 🕊️ When You Need to Stop Before You Break

Knowing when there's too much—and giving yourself permission to rest

Welcome to Tech Atypically 👋, your weekly blog for navigating the challenges of ADHD and being in the tech industry.

I am an ADHD and product management coach, helping you change one belief and take one action each week.

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🦋 The Takeaways

Belief: I need to keep going—stopping means I’m giving up or being selfish.

Reality: There’s a limit to what one person can do, and burnout helps no one.

Action: Give yourself permission to stop something, even temporarily.

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⭐️ Introduction

Happy 2026, everyone.

I apologize for the gap in writing. Between the holidays, work, and my family, I’ve been struggling with something I couldn’t name until recently.

Two days ago, in my ADHD coaching session, I finally figured out what it was: I’m dealing with the most difficult challenge of my life, and I don’t know what to do.

This is the longest I’ve ever gone without publishing since I started.

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😰 The Belief - I Need to Keep Going

As I reflect back on 2025, my first ADHD thought is: I didn’t do anything.

And I know that’s not true. Let me list what actually happened:

Professionally:

• We made our first hire for Tech Atypically

• The newsletter audience size doubled this year

• I converted from a contract employee to full-time at my day job, along with a promotion

• I went from almost getting fired to really thriving in my role as PMO Leader

Personally:

• I started lifting weights regularly for the first time since 2013

• I completed a year of kickboxing and six months of weightlifting

• Physically, I’m in a much better space than I was a year ago

• I learned to cope with life without stimulant medication

So yeah, I did some things. But I still feel like I didn’t do anything (thanks, ADHD!).

Here’s what’s really weighing on me:

My mother has Alzheimer’s, and it’s really progressed this year. Especially in the last three months.

It didn’t dawn on me until a recent session with my ADHD coach that the weight of my mother’s disease—and everything that goes with it, including her care—is crushing me. The very real reality is: I don’t know what I’m going to do for her. There’s no clear answer for how to meet her needs and my needs.

There’s always a chance I’m going to be hopping on a plane to see her to deal with something. Or I’m going to get a panic phone call from her and have to talk her through something.

People tell me, “Wow, you’re a good son.” And I feel weird when they say that because I definitely don’t feel like one most of the time.

I feel selfish because I haven’t moved back in with her or moved her in with me. Selfish because I haven’t quit my job to take care of her full-time. Selfish because I can’t give her the ideal life she wants with the remainder of her time.

The majority of the effort is carried by my extended family who live either with her or near her. Although I share part of her care, I’m not really doing most of it because I live far away.

There’s guilt with that. Even though I spend money and time flying to see her constantly, it doesn’t feel like I’m doing enough. At the end of the day, I go back to my house, and at some point, I know, this strategy won’t work anymore. Something will have to change, and I don’t know what comes next.

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🤝 The Reality - There’s a Limit to What One Person Can Do

That weight—the one with no clear solution—is affecting everything.

And here’s what my ADHD coach helped me see: if I continue this path, I’m headed for burnout. And if I burn out, I won’t be able to be there for anybody.

Not for my mom. Not for my daughter. Not for my wife. Not for my clients. Not for you.

There’s a limit to what one person can do. And pretending there isn’t—pretending I can just keep going and somehow find a way to do it all—is a lie.

I’ve been trying to balance:

• Taking care of myself

• Taking care of my family

• Taking care of my mother

• Running a business

• Coaching clients

• Writing this newsletter

• Doing my day job well

Something has to give. Not forever. But right now, something has to give.

My coach reminded me: a lot of these things are temporary. Even if I pause writing or pause coaching, it’s a temporary thing. It doesn’t have to be forever. I have the option and the power to go back or take it back up later.

Nothing is permanent.

I wouldn't wish having to watch someone's Alzheimer’s decline on my worst enemy.

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🛠️ The Action - Give Yourself Permission to Stop

So here’s what I’m doing, and here’s what I’m asking you to consider if you’re in a similar place:

Figure out what you can stop—even temporarily.

Look at everything you’re doing and ask:

• What gives me energy?

• What takes away energy?

• What can I step back from without everything falling apart?

Be very judicious. Because if you don’t create space for rest, your body will create it for you—through burnout, illness, or collapse.

Remind yourself it’s temporary.

Stopping doesn’t mean quitting. Pausing doesn’t mean giving up. Rest is not the same as failure.

I don’t know yet what I’m going to step back from. Maybe I’ll take a pause on coaching. Maybe I’ll pause writing for a bit. Maybe something else.

But I’m giving myself permission to figure that out without guilt.

I’m dealing with the most difficult challenge of my life: How do I balance taking care of myself, my family, and my mother? How can I maximize the remaining time I have with her while also maximizing the time I have with my daughter while she’s still young?

I don’t know the answer. I don’t have the strategy.

The only action I have for myself now is to figure out what I can stop and remind myself it’s temporary.

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✨ Conclusion

I’m leaving you with a reflection of what it’s like to realize you’re undergoing the most difficult thing you’ve ever faced in your life.

And I’m taking solace in knowing I’m not alone. There are many friends and family who are there for me and will continue to be there for me. I’m not sure what’s next but I’m not alone.

Until next week.

And happy New Year.

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⏭️ Next Week

Ending the inclusive performance series (for real).

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