#118 📊 Annual Reviews and the "Am I Enough?" Question: Breaking the Cycle of Self-Doubt

Why performance reviews trigger panic—and what to do about it

Welcome to Tech Atypically 👋, your weekly blog for navigating the challenges of ADHD and being in the tech industry.

I am an ADHD and product management coach, helping you change one belief and take one action each week.

🐼Do you work in Tech and are tired of struggling? Get ADHD and job skill coaching with Tech Atypically.

---

🦋 The Takeaways

Belief: I haven’t done anything—I’m not enough.

Reality: This anxiety is a trauma response showing up as either memory gaps or obsessive documentation.

Action: Document wins weekly, mine your tracking systems, and use AI to translate your work.

---

⭐️ Introduction

Welcome to part 14 of the Inclusive Performance Coaching Series, where I explore topics that help you improve your work performance in ways that work for your brain. This week: The Performance Review Panic.

Your manager mentions annual performance reviews, and your immediate thought is: Holy shit, I haven’t done anything. What am I doing here? Oh dear God, they’re gonna fire me.

Sound familiar?

This week, I sat down with my partner coaches— Michael Asaku-Yeboah (licensed therapist) and Rupert Dallas (tech executive)—to talk about why performance reviews trigger such intense panic for neurodivergent folks, and more importantly, what to do about it.

The conversation revealed something fascinating: whether you document nothing or document everything, you’re asking the same question: Am I enough?

This week is brought to you by last-minute writing and 5am wake-ups.

😰 The Belief - I Haven’t Done Anything and I’m Not Enough

When performance review season arrives, neurodivergent brains often go to one of two extremes:

Extreme 1: The Memory Gap

You sit down to write your review and draw a complete blank. What did you even do this year? You were working constantly, but now it feels like it all disappeared.

Michael captures this: As a neurodivergent person, you get into the here and now, get it done, and forget about it. You even forget the challenges you had to navigate because once it’s behind you, that’s all you care about.

Extreme 2: The Documentation Obsession

Or you’re like Rupert, who documents everything. His issue isn’t forgetting—it’s the constant question: I’ve done all these things, but is it enough? Have I done enough this week? Have I done enough this month?

Both extremes are asking the same question: Am I enough?

---

🤝 The Reality - This Is a Trauma Response, Not a Character Flaw

Michael helped me understand something crucial: both extremes are trauma responses.

The Neuroscience of Forgetting

For ADHD brains, there’s “now” and “not now.” Once something is done, it disappears into “not now” and becomes incredibly hard to recall. This isn’t laziness—it’s how ADHD brains process time and memory.

The Trauma Layer

Michael identifies multiple trauma-driven factors at play:

Imposter syndrome: Even when we’re exceeding expectations and getting praised, in our minds, we’re not doing anything because we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others.

Anxiety: The person is constantly anxious. They’re afraid they’ll get negative feedback. So all they care about is just getting it done so their nerves can be freed.

Complex trauma: Hyper-documentation is also a trauma response. You’ve become hypersensitive to recording everything because if you don’t record it, there’s trouble. But then you still feel like: even though I recorded all these things, have I done enough?

The Spiky Profile Problem

Neurodivergent folks have spiky profiles—areas of extreme strength and areas of challenge. But we focus on what we can’t do.

Michael gives an example: Someone with dyslexia might think they’re not able to write well. Meanwhile, they’re the ones who brought the whole idea that the entire team is rallying around. In their mind, they’re not meeting expectations because they weren’t able to write the document. But bringing up the idea that the whole team is working on shows their strength.

We overlook our superpowers because they come naturally to us, while focusing on the mundane tasks that neurotypicals handle easily.

The Invisible Contributor Problem

Here’s what Rupert sees from the leadership side: neurodivergent folks often become problem children to their managers because they only report problems, not wins.

Michael shares a pattern he’s witnessed: neurodivergent individuals get put on performance management plans and fired. After they’re gone, the manager finds out they need three people to do what that individual was doing.

Your contributions are real. But if you’re not documenting and sharing them, your manager literally doesn’t know what you’re doing.

On my bad days at work, I wish I were invisible at times.

🛠️ The Action - Build Systems That Make Your Work Visible

Here’s how to break this cycle:

1. Document Your Wins in Real-Time

Keep a running list of accomplishments throughout the year. Don’t wait until performance review season.

I do this in my 1:1 doc with my manager. Every week, I add 2-3 wins—just one or two sentences each. Then I share a weekly roundup with my manager so they see my value continuously, not just at review time.

Don’t just list tasks—focus on impact. Ask yourself: What are the one, two, three things that I did that, if I hadn’t done them, would have meant complete failure?

I also review my upcoming week’s priorities: “This is where I’m at. This is the most important thing.” This prevents being seen as the problem child who works hard on the wrong things.

2. Mine Your Existing Systems for Forgotten Work

If you use any tracking tool for your work—Jira, Asana, project management systems—go back through them before your review.

The evidence exists in your task tracking systems, Slack threads, email chains, and project docs. You just need to look back at what you actually did.

Rupert suggests going back to particular projects and outlining what the outcomes were and who was responsible for those outcomes. That’s your starting point.

The work is there. You just forgot about it because it’s in the “not now” category for your ADHD brain.

3. Use AI to Transform Your Work Into Performance Language

Once you’ve gathered your wins and mined your tracking systems, use AI to translate them into performance review language.

Gather your job description, your job leveling guide, and team goals. Put them and all the things you’ve done into AI. It will write out eloquently what you did in a way that meets those criteria.

Many companies now have internal AI tools specifically for performance reviews. Use them. This isn’t cheating—it’s expressing your work in the language your company uses for calibration.

---

✨ Conclusion

Whether you forget everything or document everything but still feel inadequate, you’re experiencing the same core wound: Am I enough?

The answer is yes. But your manager can’t know that if you’re not documenting and sharing your wins.

Performance reviews are hard because they require you to advocate for yourself—something many neurodivergent folks struggle with due to trauma, imposter syndrome, and the genuine cognitive challenge of remembering what’s in the past.

You’re more than just an employee though. You’re a wonderfully imperfect person. I’ll end with my favorite daily reminder:

I do enough.

I have enough.

I am enough.

---

🐼 Ready to navigate your own ADHD challenges with personalized support?

Get coaching that helps you find what works for your unique brain and situation.

⏭️ Next Week

Budgeting.

---